It’s OBGYN week. Besides rotating through the hospital specialties, we have VIPs come to the island to give clinical lectures. This is usually a forty minute lecture on the physical exam, a twenty minute demonstration on a patient, and then an hour of small group work with patients. Monkeys see, monkeys do.
I usually sleep right through these lectures. It’s no direct reflection on the lecturer but on my learning style. My ears are morons; I can’t learn with them. I’ve been in lecture where I thought the guy was fantastic, interesting, comfortable with the crowd. And I sleep ten minutes in. It’s Aural Disinterest Disorder, not Attention Deficit.
I have found the cure for this disease: a pregnant woman being escorted to the front of the room with a terrified look on her face. Better than coffee.
As he lectures on measuring fundal height, the use of a speculum, the bi-manual exam, my eyes are darting saucers between him and the woman. Are you telling me that I get to do a pelvic exam today?! Is that what you’re telling me? He finishes the lecture. The woman is lying on the table. He turns to us (100+ students), lifts his arms like a maestro, and gestures “come on down.” In my head: The Price is Right theme music.
Imagine it, one hundred students crowded around and quiet, angling for the best view. Hand to God, some of them are standing on the tables. Several students are looking back and forth to each other, each asking the same question. I turn to my roommate.
“Is this really happening?”
“I have no idea.”