Sherin thinks that I have a gambling problem. It started with the SuperBowl bet of $500 that turned into $1100. Then at the IEA talent show there was a raffle. I bought 200EC in tickets and got 100EC back. Then for Sandblast I gave Sherin another 200EC to buy as many raffle tickets as possible (which involved filling out my name and phone number 200 times, poor girl). I ended up with over 700EC in merchandise and gift certificates. My gambling problem is convincing Sherin that my winnings are not her winnings. My logic is bulletproof: “If I had lost a whole lot of money, would you have shared the loss?” Too bad Sherin is logicproof.
I’ve always wondered why police officers ask people in a sobriety test to say the alphabet, backwards. No one can do it, right? I think the trick is that only a person with impaired judgement would try to pull it off, so even if you go from Z to A flawlessly you’re going to jail. While I never plan on putting myself in that situation, I cannot deny that it is an attractive stupid human trick, which is why I was thrilled when Sherin asked me if I could do it the other day. She had no idea how seriously I was going to take it. She would say “Z”, then I would say “Y” and so on with a reset if either one of us missed our cue. Within two minutes Sherin didn’t want to play anymore as I started screaming, “F comes after L? Come on, you know this!” This is why I can’t play with others. The interesting thing is that you should be able to say the alphabet backwards faster than forwards. It has everything to do with the phonetic groupings. Everyone knows that LMNO rolls off the tongue like “elemeno”. But try this beaut on for size: VUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA
AB CD EFG HI JK LMNOP QR ST UV W X Y Z
ZYX W VUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA
See what I mean? You really have to slow down at the end if you’re going from A to Z. Don’t worry, when I get home we’ll race each other. If I knew how to record it and attach it to this email, well, you’d be listening to it.
So Sherin’s Mom and sister are in town, which means Sherin finally gets a new computer, which is a miracle considering her history. When she first came to GND she dropped her computer on the floor, cracking the screen. She made the call back home to beg for a new one and somehow “I dropped it and broke” turned into “It doesn’t work right because it has a virus I think.” Her father was nonplussed. A year and a half later and that fixed computer is failing with a 30 minute battery life and a broken touch-pad. So the last computer her father will ever buy her is in her mother’s luggage waiting in New York to board the plane when Sherin puts the laptop on a chair with the mouse inside. The details aren’t important as they implicate me, but suffice it say that Sherin sat on her laptop and cracked the screen. As with most things, I recognized the humor of the situation and started laughing immediately. Sherin had a panic attack thinking about the loss of her Father’s love. It balanced out.
The meeting of the mother and the sister (Tasha) went well enough. Tasha teaches the first grade and has great stories about children being children. My favorite was the book report about “Elaphits Gerald”. Her mother and sister being here is also a great opportunity to whip out my Sherin-impression. Judging by her scowl, I say it’s dead on. But more than anything, the best reason to ever meet the parents is for the treasure trove of “You sound just like your Mom,” “God, you sound just like your Mom!” and my personal favorite, “Whatever you say, Mrs. T.”
Working on being non-confrontational, topher.