Is it really so bleak?

hello everyone.

So school has hit this amazing new level. So before all of this started, I was told that I would be given more information (that I am responsible for) than I could possibly learn with any understanding. So for those keeping score at home, I have decided to know nothing about cobalamin or the cutaneous innervation of the leg. I have completely abandoned Embryology. Sorry, little fetus.

My body is ruled by caffeine and my mind doesn’t care if my body is awake or not. For example: I looked at slides of something today.

Members of my class have PICKED UP smoking. A small black market for adderol and ritalin has emerged. I just spaced out for a couple minutes there. Just now.

I have notes written all over my hands. Some of them are smeared against my cheek. Now wait, Zygomatic bone. See, you see?! I have to squeeze that sort of crap in every chance I get for retention’s sake.

That caffeine from before? interferes with phosphodiesterase which would normally help degrade cAMP and halt the action of PKA, which may or may not be stimulated by the epinephrine and glucagon in my system. Now if I had sugar in my coffee, that would change everything, because that would trigger insulin release which is the evil twin of glucagon, and they would fight over the soul that governs whether or not my body is making or breaking things. What are those things? Ask me when you see me and I’ll lecture on them.

At least once a day now, I sit there and realize that I could quit at any time. All the stress, all the work and knowing and not knowing would all just float away. I could be free. Freedom tastes like strawberries, I have decided.

Ok, so things are not nearly as bleak as all of that nonsense above would suggest, but it is a real part of everyone’s experience of medical school and pressure in general. It is also the first time I’ve been in the vice-grip of pressure for more than a few minutes and has taken a lot of used-to-getting. Everyone wish me luck, it’s all over in three weeks and I get to come home.


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