I remember the early days of first year when the work was hard and the labs were long and we had our hands in cadavers and our heads in biochemistry and we felt like some of the smartest people in the world. Everything is great, you’re dating new people and forming strong friendships and then BAM. The work is too much that week, that night, or that day and the peson next to you is getting it. They’re excited the way you used to be excited and life still feels easy to them the way you miss it. That feeling will hang around your neck as long as it needs to. It’ll keep hanging there until you have a conversation with yourself.
Why am I doing this? My friends back home are starting their jobs and making money and buying new things to make their apartments look nice so the people will want to sleep with them and I’m missing all of it. This is first year. It only gets harder. Why am I doing this? I could quit. I could quit right now and I’d only have $40,000 in debt to pay for my mistake. It might just be worth it. Maybe I should quit. Maybe this was a bad move.
And of course maybe it was a bad move for you. Maybe you shouldn’t be here and the smartest decision of your life would be leaving right now and cutting your losses. People stay though. They stay because they know a moron the year ahead of them, so figure it can’t be that bad if that guy made it. Some people stay because they don’t know what else they’d do with themselves. Some people stay because as much as it sucks, they can’t do anything else. The point is that the doubting doesn’t have to stop because you want it to.
I’m almost half way through 2nd year and I’m having a bad week. I don’t feel like I’m learning any of this Pathology and I’ve ignored Micro for three weeks now. It’s all going to catch up with me whether or not I catch up with it. And if I don’t suck it up and pull through then it’s going to sting real bad when I see my test. Feeling beat up and stupid is no fun, and it’s frequent enough that you often feel like quitting. But I remember exactly where I was standing on campus in first year where I had that important conversation with myself. And I remember my answer.
So I’m waiting for it to get better, plugging away while it isn’t and telling my problems to a stranger. All of it helps.
August 8, 2006 at 8:18 pm |
And it does! (help, that is)
:)
February 19, 2008 at 6:50 pm |
I feel like that everyday. I get my strength from all of the bad things that have happened in my life and I realize that this is not so bad, so what if I have to suck it up, so what if med school owns my ass. So what if I have to read things five times before I remember it, and so what if I look like Im fourty even though Im in my twenties. Life is about sucking it up and doing what you have to in order to survive. If you weren’t in medical school whatever else you were doing would eventually present with hard times and what would you do, you would suck it up. So keep sucking it up. You can do it. :O)
February 29, 2008 at 3:27 am |
im in third year and i feel stupid multiple times a day and i want to punch my resident in the face. be strong and drop out. i wish i were first year so i could f’ing quit. life is not about sucking it up. life should be about enjoying yourself and having friends and family and doing good in the world. it’s not about sucking it up, getting berated every day, and working 14 hours a day.
March 7, 2008 at 6:18 pm |
I am going through exactly the same line of doubting at the moment. I am seriously thinking of quitting. Like “hating my life” said, life shoulnd’t be about sucking it up. Life should be about enjoying life, and medical school is interfering with that. The worse part of it is knowing that it only gets worse. There is medical school, then residency, then being an attending, then dealing with all the bureaucratic crap, ever-increasing malpractice insurance rates, lower reimbursements, and I wonder if all this crap will ever be worth it. I used to think it would be worth it, but I don’t think so optimistically anymore. Every day that I try to force myself to study yet another subject I could care less about, all I can think is that I would rather be doing something else. ANYTHING else. I don’t care if I get paid less, at least I will be working normal hours and able to have a life, to make friends, to spend time with family, to develop those things that make life worthwhile.
I am curious, though, did you end up quitting? I would love to hear the outcome of your story, because I’m serioulsy confused at the moment. My e-mail is baylorclassof2007[at]hotmail[dot]com. I also have a blog, e-mail me if you would like an invite to read it…maybe you can share some experience.
March 23, 2008 at 2:14 pm |
I’m a first year and seriously considering dropping out to teach high school. My motivation and drive have dropped tremendously. Part of me says stick it out maybe it will get better, but another part says drop put. My classmates tell me to stay…
March 29, 2008 at 1:36 am |
First year was fun, second year was very tough and now I am in third year, which is better at times and worse at times. I suppose I wish I knew what I was getting into. There’s no going back now, but I often re-contemplate my lfie choices. If you are in first year and already hate it, I would do some definate soul searching. That said, I think things do get better over time, but med school can be long, and I’ve heard residency is also very hard on you.
March 31, 2008 at 3:43 am |
Here’s the thing… like anything else, medicine is what you make of it. Parts of it suck. More important are the parts of it that made you want to become a physician in the first place. Both are real, and I guess it’s what you focus on that bears the fruit.
You don’t want to deal with insurance companies? Don’t. That is not a flippant suggestion, I’m dead serious. I know of an increasing handful of docs who have started fee-for-service practices and are doing just fine, without the reimbursement B.S. Or start a micro-practice without the heavy overhead, and work with patients one-on-one. There are options.
You want to work 40 hours per week? Don’t BE a surgeon. Go into Occupational or Preventive Medicine, or Emergency Medicine, or find a niche someplace else. You don’t have to do what the herd does, if the herd is miserable. Some residencies are worse than others, some are better. Choose the happiest place that you can.
I recently was denied readmission to my medical school (after remediating a failed class… long story), and I am either heading to the Carib or Europe to finish what I started. Parts of medical school suck, and it is hard, but stuff that is worthwhile IS hard, a lot of the time. If your resident/attending is a complete ***hole, resolve in your mind to be better than that when you are able to teach people.
Aaaaand I just got a splinter in my heel from the soapbox. Sorry.
Anyway… no, don’t simply drop out. Unless you really just hate medicine, and you can’t remember (or be reminded) of why you wanted to do it in the first place, I mean.
April 14, 2008 at 5:23 pm |
I used to feel like that too. I nearly did drop out from med school in my 3rd year, but decided not to. Things started to get better after you got a hang of it.
If being a doctor is your calling, you’ll get through alright. You’ll see. :)
Even now in my 1st year of residency, I sometimes feel like wanting to quit and be done with with it. Especially, after seeing my high school friends taking their kids to KG. Oh well…
May 9, 2008 at 10:51 am |
To achieve anything in life requires grit. However, if what motivated you to do it- like in my case,my parents -is external, then it is not worth it. To become a great doctor you need passion for at least some aspects of medicine. I never wanted to be a doctor, I was just addicted to the adulation and approval. Only continue your medical pursuits if its your dream not someone else’s.
May 26, 2008 at 12:30 am |
I agree with Badman. I’m actually done with all the training and have been practicing for 7 years and have been different grades of miserable the whole time, so I’m getting ready to quit and go back to school for a Masters degree (a decision that is the result of 6 years of career counseling/soul searching so that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again). I liked the first two years of med school, but then it was downhill from there. I now realize that I like ideas and concepts and the abstract and delving deeply into something (something you don’t usually do in most specialties) and I like to write and do research, stuff like that. I didn’t really understand that when I decided to go into private practice. So, if medicine is your calling, stick it out. If you’re doing it for just about any other reason, quit now before you waste a lot of your youth like I did. And, if you’re not sure about practicing medicine, don’t finish everything and then go into private practice, because if you quit then you’ll have to pay tail malpractice insurance. When all is said and done, I will have paid $97,000 in tails and my student loans were only $86,000. Practicing medicine today is absolutely ridiculous, so think long and hard and talk to lots of practicing doctors about it (realize that some of them won’t be completely truthful if they don’t like it) and really listen to what they say.
September 4, 2008 at 9:06 pm |
Ok. Basically finishing my fourth year at Pritzker, UChicago. And am going to quit. I wasted 5 years at this, and if I had had the wisdom I have now I would have just bagged it 4 years ago. There is so many errors in this education system I can’t even find a place to start. So leave now, have a life, and honestly anything is better than the crap they have been teaching us.
September 8, 2008 at 1:07 am |
Dear Jack,
I just finished my 3rd year at a DO school and had a breakdown. I hate it so much. I am on medical leave of absence for “anxiety and depression.” I want to quit but I feel like such a failure. I am only 25. Help
September 8, 2008 at 1:40 am |
Jack do you also have student loans out? I have almost 2G….I cannot imagine finishing. I dont know what to do.w
September 8, 2008 at 11:47 pm |
I am in the carib and just recently started 2nd year, although am repeating second half of Physiology. The last few weeks have been tremendously mentally draining, not sure if this is what I want to do. When I went home over the break, I just felt this sense of loss. I miss my partner, our kids, and just the life that I left behind. I realize that we have one life to live, and I feel like medicine will waste my life away! My partner is starting his business, and right now it’s very tough and all he needs right now is positive environment. If I come home, I do not want to be a burden, especially I probably will not have a job for a good few months with the economy and all. I’m so confused……
September 11, 2008 at 3:36 pm |
Hi I’m a MS1, just started a month ago. Workload has been doable, BUT it’s been VERY HARD for me to keep up when i’m not motivated to study medicine. Especially when almost all my other classmates are so gung-ho about medicine. I just don’t share that same interest.. I think I went into this for the wrong reasons – mainly wanting to please my parents and the prestige that it would bestow on my family. In retrospect, I’ve really never had a genuine interest in MEDICINE itself. I was more infatuated with the challenge of JUST GETTING INTO medical school. Now I realize that I probably made a big mistake. Right now, I’m just going to do the best I can on upcoming exams this semester, but at the same time visit counselors, possibly request a LOA, and shadow other professions (dentistry, podiatry).
I think the hardest part for me if I am granted a LOA and do decide to pursue another career is telling the friends I’ve made here at school, as well as my parents, about my decision. Also, having to tell all my friends and former employers who had supported me along the path to getting into med school….not to mention all my younger pre-med friends who kept asking me for advice… Oh man, I just can’t fathom it right now… I just feel it’s going to be terribly embarrassing…but I just don’t think all the future hard work will be worth it if I’m not genuinely enjoying medicine. I chugged my way through undergrad not being genuinely interested in medicine, but medical school/internship/residency and then a career as an attending cannot be done I believe without that genuine passion to keep me motivated through all the tought times. I don’t want medicine to occupy my life, as I have many outside interests and want a good family life. I used to think the phrase” do what you actually love to do and money and happiness will follow” was bogus, but I know I see how truthful it is…
By the way, I’m 23 y/o…would that be too late at this point to change careers?
I don’t want to end up waiting too long to rethink medicine as a career, end up with thousands in debt, and be “trapped” into career. That would be terrible…
Would it be advisable to quit as soon as possible? Or should I pursue other professions while still in school? I thought about just shadowing other professions during holiday breaks.
September 12, 2008 at 3:03 am |
omg…if i could go back in time…id tell you to quit in a heartbeat and do something that you might not even love, but would give you time to finid something you love. i wish i could do that….i finished 3 years and now have no idea what to do. i want to quit so badly, but the loans scare me so much.
September 22, 2008 at 5:06 pm |
“UNSUREDUDE”
Did you say it was you’re first term IN medical school..if so…I am in the exact same predicament as you.
I went to my first..lecture today.. and it hit me. Ifelt like I couldn’t give a hoopla bout it. Yes.. I do want to help people but Im unsure if its this way… Even the people who are sitting next to me. everything about it just seems so fake..I can’t describe it. Im terrified of the weeks to come…I know it sounds weak but my mum would seriously kill me. seriously. she’s not the “do what you want” type. Someone reply I need an equal minded person to speak with otherwise I think I may breakdown if I havent already.
September 27, 2008 at 11:17 pm |
Hi, I’m not america, I dont go to uni in america but I am a medical student in Romania. 3rd year. In my first 2 years i didnt think much about quitting cos i had just learned to speak romanian and i attributed my hardships to the fact that I wasnt a fluent speaker and coursework was BOUND to be f”ing hard. But now I’m at the end of the 3rd year with 3 failed exams and I realize that, I know the language perfectly, I have no excuse for things being this hard. A fellow medical student once told me that if I wasnt passionate about medicine and if it wasnt my dream, I would just start failing exams and things would get worse and worse until I sort my issues out. Thats exactly whats happening now. When I get down to studying, I feel I go cross eyed and I cant see the pages. Or i just cant stop thinking about how much I hate medical school. I guess I’m here mainly because of my parents. I really want to quit. I’m afraid my father would die of depression. He’s a doctor and my mum’s a nurse and they both run a clinic. They keep saying that I’m thier only hope for a doctor in the family seeing as both of my older brothers failed to get into medical school. I was the smart one, but that also made me the stupid one, cos now I’m caught in my parents dream of being with thier son on the day he graduates from medical school. I feel like I’m totally not where I’m supposed to be. I have so many other interests and talents I would like to develope and I feel I’m wasting my youth on something I will never have use of. If it were easier then I would do it in parallel with other things and when I graduate i’d frame my diploma and send it to my folks as a gift. But its too expensive a gift. I’ve already thrown away 4 years of my life on this, should i throw away 3 more?? Dare I??
September 28, 2008 at 9:12 am |
anthony. I know how you feel you’re lucky tho youve done two already i have 5 ahead. How come youve wasted 4 years tho? i thought u were in 2nd year. Tbh and i resent the proffession as much as you mainly because of being forced in theere. i would stick it out,. you have 3 to go. then you got what they wanted. im sre u can leave?? some how.. you dont hav to go on do you? but howd u plan on paying the loans back tho?>
what i want to do is get the degree and i would happily use it as volunteer work somewhere else just not in these poxy hospiitals. i want to do music…etc but i dont know if it will be too late by the end i finish this.
October 5, 2008 at 2:14 am |
Wow! Here I am sitting and reading this.. and it just hit me how strange it actually was that I was reading this blog about quitting med school instead of studying the different muscle compartments of the leg and thigh… their innervation, insertion, blah blah blah. And know what, I really don’t like it! But I think there are few people who actually enjoy sitting and reading about muscle groups, nerves, etc .. (I bet half the people who say they do are lying or weird :) Luckily there is more to medicine than just straight up studying.) I find it extremely comforting that this blog exists and others feel the same way too! I am a med 1 student and have definitely asked myself if this is the right thing for me more times than I can count. And it is hard, because there are a lot of “hardcore med students” who don’t seem to ever second guess things. But I don’t think getting out asap is the answer for everyone who does have these thoughts. Like others have said, few things in life are ever easy. Then on the other hand… life is short, why do something you don’t completely love? So who the heck knows what you should do in this type of situation!?!? There will be hard times, but I’m sure there will also be lots of really great and satisfying times. I think I will keep trucking, at least for a while… For those who do decide to “quit”, just realize that getting into Med school alone is something to be proud of, it takes a shit load of work (unless you’re just extremely lucky and/or good at lying) and you are obviously are very intelligent person. I’m sure there are many other things you could also succeed at! Don’t ever feel like you are trapped in something.
Hope this sort of helps. I’m definitely going to check back every once in a while to see what other fellow distressed med students are thinking!
Good luck everyone :)
October 9, 2008 at 9:38 pm |
I still have no idea what to do!!!!!!!!!! I have done 3 years of med school and am now on a LOA. Time is ticking away, and I have not made a decision as to if I should go back or not. I do not have any other life passions or dreams to fall back on and start over. Yet I had a nervoous breakdown 2 months ago due to school/boards/future and truly do not think medicine is for me. OMG
October 9, 2008 at 9:41 pm |
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
October 10, 2008 at 8:42 am |
Don’t quit med school just because you don’t like the school. Almost no one likes med school or any other professional school for that matter. I remeber when I was in pharmacy school there were times I was totally miserable. But I always kept in my head that pharmacy school would be over before I knew it and that I would then be able to have a good job I enjoy for the rest of my life once I graduated. Both were true. Four years goes by crazy fast and the job was well worth the work. Stick it out if you really want to be a doctor. School is suppose to be hard. When it is done it is well worth it.
October 13, 2008 at 3:19 am |
Sarah and others,
I am in my 3rd year of pathology residency. I truly have no regrets and love what I do. It can be draining, and yes I have massive loans (about a quarter of a million $), but to me it is the best. I suppose I am a bit of a science nerd but I think I am fairly “normal” and not too weird, but I’m biased. I went to Tulane in New Orleans, which is a great school, so maybe I just had it easy. But as much as I love medicine, I applaud all of you for second guessing and questioning to make sure that you are pursuing the right path. Med school pretty much sucks, like Bob implied, and I think lots of people in it get tired and want to quit. Some end up loving it after they make it to the clinical years. Some go into practice and hate it (from some of the other posters) it seems. If you know you can’t live without medicine, then I think you should stick with it for a while. If you are doing it just to make loads of money, for parents, or whatever but don’t love it (I mean love medicine, not med school…most people pretty much hate med school), then it may be worth looking into another career. BUT…don’t go and just drop out because it’s hard and overwhelming and seems pointless. Maybe talk to your advisor, talk to some residents, talk to some practicing docs…get some perspective from the world of medicine beyond med school. And my personal advice….look into pathology as a residency option. If you liked histo at all, then you just might love pathology. I love it. But most med students are never exposed to the “real” practice of pathology. Robbins and second year path courses are nothing like what I do every day. I diagnose cancer under the microscope (and do many various other things). Go do a month pathology elective in your clinical years…you just might find your perfect fit.
Sarah, I am so sorry for your situation and I really hope things work out for you. My advice is mainly to think outside of the box…there are many different specialties and many many different ways to practice as a doctor other than the stereotypical private practice medicine doc. From my limited perspective, I would say that if you can finish and get your DO, you may be able to find some way to make some income with it to pay off your loans. Even if you get a job as a medical writer, a TV personality, a researcher, etc, etc. The degree will help and you are almost there. You don’t have to do residency if you really don’t want it, but I feel that you have come so far and that if you can make it through the last year (which is usually much easier) without endangering your health, then you should try to finish.
I hope this helps some of you. I agree that the gunners who never stop to question if they are doing the right thing may very well end up miserable and full of regret later in life.
-J
October 15, 2008 at 3:41 am |
I know a blogger who has totally been there. He’s been an attending for about 6 years now and, although his blog may not offer you amazing advice, at least it’s entertaining. Check it out… onedood.blogspot.com
October 16, 2008 at 2:14 am |
I’m in a similar situation as Sarah. I am in my third year of medical school and had to leave rotations on a LOA because I was so unhappy/potentially depressed (I haven’t had the guts to see a therapist).
I also don’t know what to decide. Option one is to go back to medical school to finish another 2 years. But, I do not want to do residency and am afraid of having a hard time finding a job otherwise. Option two is to drop out of med school and do something else.
Like you Sarah, I too have tons of loans (130 grand, if I count my undergrad loans). The thing is though, I HATED what I did of inpatient medicine. I hated the hours, I hated seeing sick people, I hated the distance between doctors and patients. I remember my drive to get into med school was to help people, but to sacrifice so much of my happiness will mean that I will not really be able to help people…not if I can’t even help myself.
I don’t know what to do.. any advice out there? Any people who have quit even when they were halfway through?
October 16, 2008 at 2:58 am |
this is topher, the author of this website. Send your phone number to rumorsweretrue@gmail.com. I will take the time to talk to each of you.
October 22, 2008 at 4:38 am |
Hi Irina,
It seems like you want to be in medicine but crave to spend more time with patients. Did you ever thought about becoming a nurse practitioner?
October 22, 2008 at 9:55 pm |
If you are already struggling with depression while in med school please read this Newsweek article: http://www.newsweek.com/id/132887
October 24, 2008 at 12:23 am |
trying so hard to keep good grades…get into med school. screwing head away with all the residency problems, about the future. and for what? another series of stressing week at work?
October 30, 2008 at 1:04 am |
It seems many people feel similarly…
I’ve just started Med school. I wasn’t sure I really wanted it before I started, and I’m still not sure, but I applied because I didnt think I was reaching my potential and that being a doctor would be a worthwhile and respectable thing to do.
I love learning the subject, even though it’s tough, but I just can’t see myself enjoying being a doctor. I don’t think I want to be working in a clinic of hospital, dealing with people’s health problems for the rest of my life! Is it worth carrying on if I think that way? Everyone else on my course seems so keen and empathic.
I have other interests, wildly different to medicine, and often think I should follow those and get on with my life, rather than do what I think I “should” be doing. And above all it stresses me no end!
October 30, 2008 at 4:48 pm |
Hey Tim I just started too and I totally agree with you. The stress, the over enthusiastic medical colleagues the doomed future that lies ahead for us… yeh, why did we choose this course?
I think we should stick it out for a while, I mean do you have exams coming up soon? They’ll reveal certain things…What country are you studying in?
November 2, 2008 at 1:35 pm |
im in 2nd year and hate it soo badly. i failed the semester and thinking of quitting but afraid that my parents will kill me. or i should say my dad. i made mistakes for choosing this course and studying in egypt while i am malaysian. crazy no?
i am going to quit. u should to if u don’t feel like doing it anymore.
November 3, 2008 at 4:05 pm |
I’m studying in the UK. The course is interesting and fun at times, and although tough I am perfectly capable of doing it. But ultimately I feel I’m putting myself through unnecessary grief to get somewhere I don’t even really want to be! There is something to be said for sticking at it yes… but why waste all that money, time, stress and effort?
As for what other people think, sure quitting will let people down, some people may think badly of you for not seeing it through, the future may be uncertain… but sod it, you have to look after number 1, do what you want to do and enjoy life. It may be selfish, but I want to put more energy into making my own life better (and those I know and care about), rather than stress over trying to help others.
November 8, 2008 at 6:43 pm |
I’m in my 3rd year of medical school in Quebec (I speak French so I’m not excellent in English..).
I can really relate to what Unsuredude and others said, basically being scared of not enjoying the rest of your life outside your job because of the workload and everything. I am questionning myself if I really want to be a doctor, because I just don’t think I “fit” with the rest of the students in med school who are so passionate about helping others and/or being a freak and being so good and understanding the things we have to know so fast… And I am kind of cynical and sarcastic, which seems to be the worst thing to be when you are a doctor. The problem is I don’t know what I want to do if I quit med school, I don’t even know if I want to stay in something related to science and healthcare.
I really don’t think I am passionate enough to suffer all the workload, the uncertainty and the stress of being a doctor. My goal is just to be happy, to have a great time with my friends and my family, to travel, to discover new stuff everyday… and to just watch TV alot after coming home from work…! I know I won’t be the type of person who will be happy to wake up and go to work every morning, so I don’t think the medical work is really my thing.
Please write back if you feel the same way as I do..!
November 9, 2008 at 10:47 am |
Hi. Thought I would weigh in. I am an md/phd student at penn (entering my 8th year of the program). I hated the first 2 years of medical school but somehow was able to bear it though I should say I skipped many classes (even small groups). I knew I wasn’t motivated pretty quickly but something kept me going. I started clinics my second year (we start after a year and a half) and absolutely hated clinics. It felt like I lost all my freedom. There were good moments sometimes but overall I was miserable. I think a lot of it was because I was used to college life and the slacking during the first year and a half of med school. Basically I was so used to being able to keep my own schedule that it was shock to enter any routine where I had to be some place for more than 5 hours at a time. So after 2 years, suddenly I had to switch to the Ph.D. portion. At first it was depressing to suddenly stop but I very quickly ended up loving graduate school. I was doing stuff I was more interested and my schedule was amazing due to a choice of a laid back lab. Don’t get me wrong, there are times in grad school where you have to work very hard but usually I was motivated and it was offset by all the times I barely had to work at all. 5 years later I Just got my Ph.D. in Neuroscience and felt like I finally accomplished something and was headed somewhere and then BAM, back to med school. Currently I’ve only done a 1 week rotation of a refreshed course but am starting my ob/gyn rotation on monday. I am the most miserable I have ever been. Even the week-long medicince refresher rotation exhausted me and made me feel stressed and I only had to show up from 8 to 4. I can’t really quit now since I figure I should at least get the md even if I don’t go into residency but the idea of even doing the remaining year and a half is making me very stressed, terrified, and depressed. Not sure I can even wake up early enough anymore (delayed phase sleep syndrome maybe?). My brother (who is a gi doc) basically told me my lifestyle up until now has been unsustainable and that even if i quit medicine I would end up having to work hard. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’ve just never had to face the real world with real jobs. I mean, even 9 to 5 takes a chunk out of your day. On the other hand, I know I’d be less miserable doing research from 9 to 5 than medicine from 9 to 5. I suppose i’m fortunate to have my phd since it does offer other career opportunities albeit not very secure ones. But I don’t think I’ve ever been so depressed and anxious in my life and dreading something more. Here’s hoping I manage to make it to the first day of ob/gyn at the reasonable hour of 8 am.
November 9, 2008 at 7:37 pm |
i agree with you blahblah. I don’t want my work to be my life, there is so much more to that. And I also feel everyone is so much more passionate about it. And good on them, it’s a great thing to do. But if it’s not for you, it’s not for you. No point wasting your time doing something that is doing you wrongs!
I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I’m going to jack things in before Christmas. I’ve found something else I want to do and I’m really excited about it. I just hope it works out!
Good luck
November 18, 2008 at 4:52 am |
yes, i’ve been following this blog a few weeks now. I’m currently in my 3rd year and doing paeds rotation. The workload is not that hard. But everyday, it’s been getting harder and harder for me to get up and go to hospital because i dont see medicine as my future career or anything related to healthcare. Am really sick of it. I saw a counsellor at my faculty who referred me to another counsellor outside the faculty, and i have not been following this up. I know it in my heart that am depressed because of medicine and am doing it to make my parents/family happy. My mom said it’s the sort of career that can give you stability in life, not to mention money. Yes, we need money to survive in this world and to have all the things you want. But what about real passion? Am talking about being happy in what you do everyday, or is it impossible and irrelevant nowadays, noone can have it all? I envy successful people who love what they do, and being able to make lots of money of out it. Getting into medicine is surely something to be proud of, but i would not be proud if at the end….being a doctor is not what i truly enjoy. I am near 24 now, only two more years left. I’d be 25 by the time i graduate (if i graduate), but i really dont give a damn about diseases and treatments right now. I want to live a good life now, earn money & travel, seek new experiences.
November 22, 2008 at 2:19 pm |
Ok, Natakie..most of all. design a scheduel where you get something passionate everyday out of , i don’t know what you encounter, but get it..when you finish you can do anything,a dn with the med degree, people will listen to you..more passio forever, and come on…you can run the project even if it is not medicine…just do this, it wil work think Chrstiane Northrup, the great Obstetrician..follow her, mentor herin your daily pursuit of the grind, each day have some kind of thing, TATTTOO HER NAME on your arm if you must..you can emulater her…once youg the degree you can run a business, or a health program for the state, or community, or just travel and give speeches, or MANUFACTURE things..but you wil have a “range of opportunities to customize that and lead…if you finish this hard degree..”
Look, I see it like this: LOOK at the PANDEMIC possibilites, ..you will be relied upon if there is a local or big crisis…forget about nifty surgical possibilites..there is a need here–ok, another thing is ORPHAN health..come on..these are huge and the docotr potential to direct efforts and quality healthcare in just these two areas is huge.
OK, hopethat SARA up at the start can read this as well..and see that there is apassionate RANGE ofopportunities at the end of this timespan.
NOW, is here. But LATER will also become a NOW.
November 23, 2008 at 1:28 pm |
Hello people. I am a 1st yr med student too and tomorrow morning I have a major exam in biochem but look at what I’m doing right now…simpy put, I’m depressed and basically not motivated to go to med school anymore. The past few months was the hardest in my life, not because of academics in med school, prior to this I feel that my premed course was even harder than 1st yr med but my family have so many problems right now. I really find it very very difficult to balance my family life while I need to lock up myself in my room to be with my books..most of the time I get lucky and pass even though I spent my weekend just dozing of from the week of thinking and praying about our problems. I even find myself cramming more than ever. I’m really at a crossroads since I am really the one who decided to pursue med school but now I’m the one about to quit already.
But just to share what I think, quitting med school is not a sign that I cannot take it anymore because academically I know I can really do it but with all the things happening in my life right now, I realized that my family is the most important thing for me and I wouldn’t be at peace or content going into med school while they carry so many problems on their shoulders. I am seriously considering quitting med school and pursue my passion which is really music. I think I’ll be enrolling in a music academy after I sort everything clearly. And to all of us here who are at the crossroads, consider all the possibilities and never regret anything. I know that the school expenses, the loans are something that’ll make you think twice about quitting but all the 4/5 years is a pure waste if you don’t love being a doctor in the first place. I salute doctors and I don’t think less of myself when I don’t become one, I truly believe that we’re all meant for different things and I shouldn’t lock up myself in a box thinking that this is the only option I have. I thank you all for the insightful responses and I’ll continue thinking about this carefully. Thank you again and may all of us be enlightened on what is the right thing to do.
November 26, 2008 at 12:59 am |
Hi there,
I am a prospective med student. I am conflicted at this point if I should go to medical school or not. Not because I think I cant make it, but because I have a small child. I want to be there for him and med school would swallow up my time with him. I am a BSN nurse and I am considering going to the NNP or NP route instead or medschool (the school time is a lot less and you still get paid well).
Does anybody here is FEMALE and has small children? could you write me a note and tell me how you manage medschool and family danibowers(at)comcast(dot)net
thanks
Dani
November 29, 2008 at 3:20 am |
blahblah I completely agree with you as well! your bit about what you want out of life is almost exactly what i have said to friends before!! have you decided to stick with it?
November 29, 2008 at 5:42 pm |
Hi,
Wow, I can’t believe I am not alone in wondering where to go with my life. I am 25, in a Masters program in the US that is essentially the same as MS1, waiting to hear back from med schools, and more depressed than I could have ever imagined being. I am practically failing all my classes and am completely convinced that med school and medicine are not for me. I never wanted to do medicine but was pressured into it by my father, who is controlling, to say the least. I have tried talking myself into wanting to do it and into believing that I would enjoy med school. However, considering how I am doing in my program right now, it’s clear that is just not true. Moreover, I feel that my life is passing me by. I have never had real financial independence, despite going to a top undergrad school, because I have been working towards getting into medical school.
I don’t have a dying passion to do anything in particular. I am interested in something else but am worried that I will no succeed at that either. Also, I would be cut off from my family, whom I am not close to by any means, but would still be devastated to lose in that way. But I am reaching a point where I sometimes feel I would be better off searching for the right thing instead of wishing to get out of the wrong thing. I have a history of depression because of things that have happened in my life that were beyond anyone’s control. But for the first time, my depression is directly related to something that can be changed, and I feel like I owe it to myself to try to change my life to make myself happy.
December 10, 2008 at 3:50 am |
I have 100,000 debt and see my future as bleek in nearly every respect. I don’t have motivation and don’t know who I am or what my interests are. Any advice or support would be appreciated. jennygrounds@yahoo.com
December 16, 2008 at 11:36 am |
Well. I have just completed my first year of medical school, and I am quitting. I made the decision today, after a lot of thought the past few months. I don’t care that when I go back to get a degree in nursing I will almost be graduating at the same time as if I just stuck it out in medical school. I hate it. I have no passion to sit an learn this stuff. I wasn’t going to quit due to how the heck am i going to pay for the rest of my apt lease here without my school loans, how to pay off the loans without a job or deferrence etcetc.. but Ive changed my mind.. I want a life, a family, time, happiness.. I say, if you are unhappy – quit. Its just money after all.
January 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm |
jjj
January 2, 2009 at 9:58 pm |
hi all
i thought i was alone!
i’ve been working in busy hospitals for past 3 yrs as part of my rotations in general med.. the first 2 yrs i was exhausted but i just went on with it because i thought ‘heck…i can do this!’. now halfway through 3rd yr, the uhappy, empty feeling is still looming and i seriously am thinking of quitting.
im seriously damaging my soul. when i go to work, i put a facade. i give my 100% at work, doing things dilligently, being pleasant and all especially to patients. but when i returned home, i feel so helpless and depressed. everyday is the same…doing a job that i seriously hate but instead i still suck it up and continue to do it…DiLLIGENTLY.
i should have quit med school.
for all of u out there who wants to do medicine, pls think about it. ur in for a big sacrifice in ur life.
im sacrificing my life and wellness to help others. i hope i won’t end up ending my own life.
January 3, 2009 at 5:56 pm |
I really thought I was the only one feeling like this until I stubmled across this blog. I’m going to a med school in the Dominican Republic. And yeah, I pretty much hate it. It started out as a mild dislike the first trimester, then steadily progressed to hating getting up in the morning to go to class. Now all I wana do is get out! Not even sure what I’d do if I did leave school. And I’ve thought long and hard about whether I’d regret the decision if I did leave. And I think that if I left I’d be more relieved than anything and would really never regret it. The problem is how do I leave when I have so much riding on this and solid plan for the next few years.
January 6, 2009 at 8:32 pm |
I just finished my sophomore undergrad as a pre med and had the presence of mind to switch majors to nursing. Like many of you, I don’t want my job to take over my life and I don’t want to waste my twenties in school and residency. I am so happy with my decision and regret having not switched as a freshmen. I basically got into the premed track to please my parents, but at the ned of the day you have to be able to look at yourself and like what you see and be happy with your life.
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!
Best wishes to you all
January 13, 2009 at 8:00 am |
Hello. Am back again and still continuing with medicine :P I failed one of my exams last semester so now i have to work harder to get my grades up. I just had a month of holiday and it helped me to take the stress away. I talked to my parents and they were supportive and couldnt be more disagree about me quitting at this point. After a holiday, it does feel better i.e. am not as anxious, but i still have this uneasy feeling. I guess it’s only normal to have these kinds of feelings, i just need to control my thinking to stay positive and that am only a student, am here to learn. The one thing that keeps me going is my passion to travel at the end of medical program. So, for those of you who are still stuck (who wants to quit but simply can’t), find a hobby or passion, something that inspire you, and the day will seem better. Remember that everything will come to an end eventually. Cheers.
January 14, 2009 at 9:05 pm |
I don’t even mind the classes. But the snotty know-it-alls, the gunners, the multiple students that approach people in the group library saying not to work together on a group project. The arrogant people that think they are better than everyone else because their mommy + daddy’s checking account sent them to an ivy league college. I am at a state school and I did not expect there to be such a high number of uptight people here…
January 15, 2009 at 2:53 am |
Hey, it’s S. from one of the first comments here. I ended up quitting a few months ago, halfway through what would have been my 3rd semester at med school. I feel relieved, I’m now free to do whatever else I want, to explore, to spend time with family, friends, and to start building a life instead of burying myself in debt and spending the majority of my 20s in a library.
Anyway, I just wanted to post an update. I know many of us found this post while googling “quitting med school” (well, at least I did!). It’s amazing how much all of these post resonated within my head, as you guys are thinking many of the things that I was thinking at the time. Namely, that med school was my classmates’ world and I was living in it, that I was afraid more of telling my family/friends than I was of actually quitting, and that I just couldn’t bear the thought of the years to come. I knew I was academically capable, but I eventually realized that I just didn’t WANT to be because I found my classes mind-numbing. Anyway, I hated medical school, so I quit. It took me a while to muster up the courage to do so, but I’m happy with the decision I made and the choices it’s allowing me to make now.
Drop me a line if you need to talk to someone who understands. I posted my e-mail address in the first comment.
January 17, 2009 at 9:39 pm |
Hi! I also wrote a message last November here. Like I said in my first message, I’m from Quebec and I speak French, so please excuse my English!
I didn’t quit yet because I just wanted to see what it was like to do.. Well, I don’t know the English word for it, in French we say “stage”.. like.. training? I think you guys say “rotations”, like you’re in the hospital and you see patients and stuff.. Anyway (it’s kind of different here in Quebec than elsewhere in Canada and in the US..). I had an “elective” in dermatology because I thought I would really like it, but now that I did 2 weeks in dermatology (I still have 2 weeks to go for that), I see what it means to be a specialist and I really don’t like it. And I’m still not interested in being a “general physician” or whatever the name is. So know I really know I should quit. I just don’t know how! I don’t know who to talk to, when I should quit… Was it simple for you guys who already quit?
I talked to my parents just before Christmas, I was really afraid because they are the ones paying the school fees. My dad didn’t react very good and is still not OK with my choice, but my mom finally is OK with it…
I think I finally know what I want to do, I kind of discovered Speech Pathology recently. I do what to know more about it though before starting all over again at school, not really knowing if I really like it or not..
So that’s about it for me, I really like reading your posts and seeing I am not alone in my situation!
Good luck to everyone!
January 18, 2009 at 6:01 pm |
Hi blahblah,
Just wanted to give a shoutout to a fellow Quebecois! Med school can be tough, and seeing that you don’t seem to enjoy it that much, I’d have advised you to quit if you are in 1st or second year. But you are already in 3rd, with one year to go, might as well just stick it out and at least get an MD after your name. Plus, it sounds like you haven’t done your clinical rotations yet — for some people it makes a big difference.
Also, derm is not really representative of the rest of medicine (the hours are a lot better, there’s no inpatient, etc), some might say it’s better (lifestyle-wise), but you might find that you’ll like the more “core” medical disciplines that are more intense and challenging (not to diss derm.) Whatever you do, if you don’t find something you love by the time Carms roll arround, DON’T GO INTO A RESIDENCY just because you feel you have to. Residency is a thousand times worse than med school in terms of taking over your life. Cut your losses and go do something else you love with that MD tucked under your belt. I wish I had.
January 26, 2009 at 2:10 pm |
Re:ItsOnlyTime
I was thinking about finishin my degree and do something totally different career wise. Like, really different, because that’s where my heart lies. And, correct me if am wrong, if i took the alternative career, and say 4-5 years down the tract, i got bored with it or that it wasnt taking me anywhere, i could come back and do my intership/residency right? I already hate med rotation, and i can’t imagine myself spending another 2 years in the hospital after i graduated. Can there be pros and cons in this? I could think of one con: i’ll be behind other interns knowledge-wise after takin all those years off.
January 29, 2009 at 2:06 pm |
Courage. That’s what made America great. Have the courage to ask yourself if medicine is right for you. Do not sacrifice balance, quality of life, family, inner peace, your own health, youth, mental stability for the hope that just maybe you can find something beneficial in medicine. I was a 4th year, who had passed the step 1, shelfs, etc. and I realized that it was not worth it anymore. I did have a Masters degree in Biology, which gave me a bit more leverage as far as finding another career. Right now I am happier than I’ve ever been. I am married, and do wish to start a family, actually see/spend time with my children, and have a decent quality of life. No one on their death bed would ever say they wished they spent more time at the hospital. The key to life is balance. Medicine was sucking life out of me; my health was decreasing, I had become bitter/angry/hateful. Essentially I was just surviving. So I said enough! Life is too short to allow yourself to feel trapped. And DONT feel ashamed that you left medical school. I takes real strength to leave/quit/whatever you want to call it. Stand up to you parents/family/etc; I was there; yes it was hard but eventually everyone gets over it. So I’m telling you this as someone who has run the race, but decided in the end I didn’t need to cross the finish line. I’m happier and more confident for it. May God bless all of you who are struggling through this decision. Peace.
February 2, 2009 at 3:37 pm |
Nat: I’ve come across people online who say that they were able to land another residency after walking away in the middle of one, so it might be possible as well to start one later as long as you spin it well. But chances are you’d not get the more competitive disciplines.
Danger Mouse: would you mind sharing a bit about what you did after you left? As in what kind of employment opportunities were available, etc?
February 2, 2009 at 5:38 pm |
Wow I cannot believe how helpful reading this blog is. I am a second year, but decelerated so I’m only taking one of the two classes. I decelerated for mostly emotional reasons. I did great in school first year, but by the end of the year practically had a nervous breakdown and took my final exams commuting from an hour away. I hate medical school. I came here wanting nothing more than to help others and was completely passionate about it, and now all of that is lost. Even with only taking one class, I have tons of extra time. I volunteer with the mentally handicapped, exercise, take time to myself, and still I’m unhappy. I don’t relate to the people here, don’t enjoy the science and am really only in this because I want to help people get health care who can’t afford it. Med school has turned me into an extremely anxious and depressed person, when I used to be such a smiley optimist. I can’t believe that even with this spare time I still hate it here this much. Definitely thinking about quitting, and it’s looking better and better each day. I’m just afraid that I’ll have regret, because being a doctor has been my life long dream and I can’t figure out what else I’d want to do? Also is this newly developed depression/anxious thing something that will endure beyond medical school? I HOPE NOT!
February 4, 2009 at 10:16 am |
Re: BI
Hi, perhaps taking time off would help you to clear your head and think better? Because i did that, and it helped me a lot (it was a holiday break). I don’t know when you will get your holiday, but that would be the time that you really know whether medical school is giving you depression or you just have depression. But medical school can be depressing and produce lots of anxiety. Talk to your professors or GP, they may be able to give you some courage.
February 4, 2009 at 5:25 pm |
Thanks :)
February 5, 2009 at 3:49 am |
I am 23 years old and I left med school last semester after Med 2 and now I am pursuing a career in Chemical/Biomedical engineer. I don’t have any regrets and I think this is the best thing I have done. I am getting married this year and I have a great job right now. I never liked medicine…I don’t like blood nor seeing people suffering. I wanted to do pharmacy, but I had the opportunity to try medicine and I gave it a shot. Although it’s the worse mistake ever, but I believe that knowledge is power. Since I had a scholarship, I only owe about 20,000 I am glad I left before accumulating more loans and waste more time. I just want to enjoy my life and my family. Don’t waste your time on something that makes you unhappy.
February 8, 2009 at 1:06 pm |
Wow !! so many frustrated medics!! i was one – used to work all the time – i was exhausted & when the time to start a family came,i’m glad i quit cos there’s no way i could handle both – i’m happy i can spend time with my 3 yr old & enjoy life – and i’ll make sure my kid doesn’t go through what i went through unless she is very sure about it!!
March 24, 2009 at 7:09 am |
I was browsing through the net trying to find the answer to my question to whether I should continue to try to go to Medical Schools. I’m currently a Sophomore/Undergraduate at UCSD, and my current GPA is 3.52. However, I just finished another quarter, and I have a feeling that my grade will not turn out to be good. And so I’m really afraid that my GPA will go down the drain and then I won’t be competitive enough for Medical School. So these few days I have been pretty sad. But, I got to this blog and I’m just amazed at all these comments. It makes me realized that I should really reconsidered to whether I want to continue to pursue this dream of being a doctor. At heart, I really wanted to be a doctor, but the problem is I feel like I won’t be one of those “students” who has fantastic GPA & MCAT scores & tons of extracurricular activities. Even though I’m currently volunteering at hospital but I just feel like I’m not never good enough or as smart as the other students. I know one thing for sure is that I do have the passion for medicine, but I’m very afraid that I can’t make it there. Any words of advice? Deeply Appreciated
March 24, 2009 at 9:23 pm |
UNlike most of u googling quitting med school, I googled quitting pharmacy school. I just started this year bc I my parents wanted me to just be in something. The thing is,as an undergrad, I was premed and by the end of my senior yr I had a nervous breakdown bc of a bad mcat score and other personal problems–basically my life was not going to mmy ideal plan. i worked, then started pharmacy school, but since entering I realized I should be in medical school. I love patients and biology. I hate it here and although I am glad I took time to determine what I really want, I am so scared of dropping this and trying to enter med school- a real task in and of itself. Does anyone know how to quit pharmacy school?
March 26, 2009 at 3:26 pm |
Re: sonya
Medicine is not the only path to dealing with biology and patients. And medicine is not only about biology and patients, unfortunately. If you choose to be a hospital pharmacist, you’ll get ample opportunity to work with diseases, biology… basically a lot of the same knowledge base as clinical medicine, because that’s what you’d have to know in order to recommend drugs to the MDs and determine what should be in the hospital formulary. You’ll also work one-on-one with patients, for example counselling them on the proper use of their new meds prior to dischage from an inpatient service. All this with stable, predictable hours, home call, no dealing with feces and bodily fluids, or stabbing people in the neck with a big needle to put in a line while their blood pressure skydives, nobody paging you at 3:30AM because they “can’t sleep”, etc. Think carefully.
March 28, 2009 at 12:56 pm |
Wow I googled I dont want to be a doctor and this is what i came up with. I am a fourth year medical student, have matched in emergency and have been in an absolute crisis for the last week. I just dont feel passionate about medicine. I have done enough always to do well but in my heart I know I’m not giving it all and I dont care. Or maybe I do care and am terrified that I wont be good enough wont have the energy for all this. I am pretty passionate about international/ refugee health policy but thats more an mph. Parts of me the last week have been contemplating how many years I could work and than get out. But there isnt anything else I one hundred percent know I want to do and am terrified I will wander through life without commiting to any one job. It doesnt help my husband and I matched away from my home and I am so sad, more than I though I would be. So this isnt helping any of you in school at all really. I dont think being a doctor is bad, honestly, I just think its like anything else and seems miserable if its not what you want to do. I am utterly distraught.
April 1, 2009 at 12:02 pm |
hey all. im a fourth year medical student in south africa. here, there is no premed, so i got straight into medical school, after grade twelve. i dont know if its the same in other countries, but here we study bachelor of medicine and bachelor of surgery concurrently. its a five year course.
i knew i wanted to quit after first year, but my mom said i should wait till second year, maybe things would change. well, they have not! but im still here, miserable,sad and caught in a tough place. no-one forced me to come here, i was thrilled by the thought of helping the sick. but i didnt realise how draining and daughting that task is.
i have decided to finish because im scared of the unknown. really SCARED. another reasons i can blame for not leaving are: 1. my dad was a doctor, he passed away, i feel i have to live up to his dreams. 2. quitting is not just about me, its about my whole family, their dissapointment and the whole community too. they all celebrated with me when i got into medical school and their support has been tremendous. i would be letting down way too many people.
3. i have a bursary, which i will have to pay back in cold hard cash, if i quit.thats quite a lump sum.
wow, getting all of that out makes want to cry,cause its truly a tragedy to be miserable at the tender age of 21. i made the wrong decision coming here. i know it in my heart. everyday here has been a slow soul killer. but, i have no one to blame but myself.
i dream of running away to just do some casual work and have time to find myself again. i dream of travelling and seeing things that will leave me in awe. i am in love with words and fascinated by visual art. my passion lies in the arts.
well, thats a whole lot abt me. to all of you who are considering quitting. if you can, do it-DARE to be passionate about what fills up your days. if u cant, find a hobby or something to keep your soul alive.
im going to finish, hopefully in record time. then do my internship and save up to pay my debts. the thought of it makes me dizzy- its aweful,bt i choose to see medicine as a stepping stone to my dreams
April 6, 2009 at 9:41 pm |
Hey guys, this is the second time i’m posting here. Last time was sept 2008, I was miserable. Well, its 7 months later and guess what, I”M STILL MISERABLE. I had a 4 month break in which is wasnt miserable. That was when i decided to take the first semester of my 4th year off. I didnt go to school, i just did whatever i pleased everyday. Basically, i thought that if i didnt go to school for a while, i’d start to regret my decision and i’d realize that i really did want to do medicine, but sadly, it doesnt work that way. I hate medicine. i hate the fact that i’m doing it for my parents. I hate the fact that i’m doing it to compensate for the fact that both my senior brothers failed to do it. I hate the fact that i’m too afraid to quit right now. My heart is not in it. My heart is in the arts. In self expression. Not in memorizing ideas created by other minds. I’m so tired of it all. I feel dead inside sometimes. If i quit now, i would have wasted 4 years of my life. I could have been a graduate by now if i were doing something else. i’m thinking about seeing a psychologist. I cant go on like this.
April 11, 2009 at 5:42 pm |
Hi Everyone,
I am a french canadian mature student, in my early thirties, studying in the UK. I’ve just spent the past hours reading through your posts and feel so similar to you guys, if not worse, so I thought I could share my thoughts with you:
1-I have been chasing medicine for the past 10 years
2-in the meantime I had build up a career in pharmaceutical industry. Actually, this career was never planned in any way.
3-but still I ‘ve always kept a glance at medicine and in my best to get in
4-In the meantime I had acquired a very international experience which opened my mind to the real world. actually I am already from a multicultural background
(French from France, became Canadian, speak french, English, German, Italian, Spanish, very basic Croatian and would really like to learn Japanese and Chinese)..anyway…
5- after almost 10 years chasing medicine, I finally got in….in the UK
6-It was a long run as I come from a poor social background with illetare parents (yes this still exists…) and I had to make it on my own.
7-Since I’ve started, I have never felt so depressed in my entire life…I used to be so funny and happy in life, now everything is dark, I’m so negative that I even feel angry and frustrated at myself….constantly ruminating “why? wasn’t my choice to go to medicine? I ran after it for about 10 years, so why is it that I am not happy?”
8-Without my lovely supportive wife (who is studying at the same university but not in medicine) I wouldn’t have made it to medicine, but now I feel guilty that we don’t have a great quality of life
9-I feel guilty that she seems more supportive than I could be for myself…for ourselves may be…
10-I feel stupid to have run after medicine in a very stubborn way for 10 years while I was offered many times (and still am) excellent positions at 100 000 dollars..
11-Also I feel so different than the other students in my class although there are plenty of mature students in their late 20’s early 30s..
12-I don’t adhere to the arrogant ambiance that we can find in almost every med school in the world
13-I criticise everything (may be because I’m French lolllll…), I hate being in this country, ahve no friends ..I mean “real” friends….those you can trust
14-I am shocked when I hear some mature students saying things like “If I don’t become a doctor my life is worth nothing”….is that all they’ve learned from life?…
15-I feel it is so difficult to swap from an international open minded environment where creativity, and interpersonal skills are favored to the med school environment where the school tries to mould you that you fit in what they want.
16- In terms of ethical behaviour, empathy, respect, towards others I feel there is so much discrepancies between what we’re taught and the reality…At hospital doctors are so arrogant!!! there is no empathy at all, and if you’d challenge them you’d get blasted and kicked out of your rotation….med school is not democratic at all!
any positive side?:
yes!
1-I am amazed by the knowledge doctors have
2-I ‘ve always had a scientific curiosity for medical knowledge, and although the worload is f’ing heavy, I feel like the only things that make me not quit is my interest for medicine and the support I get from my wife.
However, i’m just hanging on to that, otherwise I’d have left a while ago…
another point is: money
1-why did I accept to be in debt while I could go back in pharmaceutical industry and earn 100 000 dollars?
can’t find the answer….
2-If I quit now, in a month I would get rid of my debt
and would live a very confortable life with my wife, build up family, house and so on…
But everyday my wife says: “if you quit medicine you’ll regret it for the rest of your life, we knew it would be hard when we made the choice, and you wouldn’t handle having a boss giving you orders. so stick to medicine, you like medical knowledge, when you’re on rotation it is never like a job for you, you enjoy patients’ contact, clinical knowledge and so on, this is what you’re made for. every med student feels the way you feel, this should be another reason to stick to medicine.”
my opinion is :She’s right, but I would say noone can understand what a med student is going through except medical students….
I’ve been looking for job offers these days, my year one is over but we have the end of year exam in may.
I’ve committed myself to take it and then we’ll see what happens, If I go through it, this might change my mind to a more positive approach, if not I am thinking of leaving…
One last point: there ’s on vicious spiral Ienjoy experiencing in medicine: neing constantly driven and stock between the feeling of adrenaline and the desire to get rid of the heavy workload..weird feeling isn’t it? …
anyway let me know your thoughts, and sorry for my poor English…
April 19, 2009 at 8:52 pm |
I am in practice in ob-gyn. It’s not terrible. It’s not great. I have some good experiences. There’s also a lot of bull to put up with. But, if I had to do it over again, I would have quit early on. I think about what it would feel like to quit today, and I think I would feel one predominate emotion — relief. I live for weekends off and vacations. I hate that. I feel like I’m wishing my life away. I have never had any passion for medicine. So, if anyone is in the early stages of their training and really wants to quit, just quit. You’re too smart and too talented to not be employable in SOMETHING, and you’ll learn not to settle in life. Hey, maybe I will quit today! Just kidding.
April 21, 2009 at 2:38 am |
Hey J Smith, a question for you, since you’ve been there and done that… do you think 3 years into a 5 year residency + obligatory 1 year fellowship is too late to quit? I too live for weekends and vacations, and I’m not even in practice yet! I’m so stressed out I’m not really enjoying any time off, just dreading having to get back to the grind every morning. Also, what’s stopping you from quitting?
April 21, 2009 at 6:52 am |
re: above comment
perhaps another important question is what will you be doing if you quit? can you see urself doing other things that you enjoy and have you tried having a go at other job/career/hobby?
for me, i just discovered the entrepreneur side of me from making it as a hobby first and now am confident that i can keep this spirit going. So for me, i have found the best solution – is to become a GP (part-time) and doing what i love (as a business) on the side as well. And i’m very excited about this discovery!
BTW am third year medical student, graduating next year.
April 23, 2009 at 6:22 pm |
–> nat
You’re graduating next year/? where u from. it;s usually a 5 year or even 6 year course isn’t it.
April 24, 2009 at 1:01 am |
Hello, it’s 4.5 year course in Australia (postgraduate intake)
April 26, 2009 at 6:09 am |
thanx frenglish… i will keep ur advices on mind..
May 3, 2009 at 1:21 pm |
Hi Itsonlytime. I’m sorry, I hadn’t even thought about my post here until today. I don’t think it’s too late to quit. I feel like I was a baby at three years into residency. Quitting would be amazingly scary, exciting, and, like ending a bad relationship, very hard to do. I haven’t quit because I have a massive amount of debt and I need my current income to pay it off. Plus, it would be a huge adjustment for my family for me to quit and I would feel terrible about that. Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do.
May 15, 2009 at 7:52 pm |
Hi nat,
i am a third medical student myself and i am interested in working in Austrailia. i really need info on the exams and the prep i would need to do as a foreign student. i would appreciate it if you would give me some advice.
June 5, 2009 at 4:49 pm |
My two cents: I can relate to alot of the people when they describe the feeling of being numb, lost, confused and drained….overall this is the symptom of life without balance. After going through pre-med curriculum and obtaining my bachelor’s in biology. I decided to become an entrepreneur and got involved in the world of business and real estate. I truly love it. I was 24 when I did both real estate and now own a frachise. I did this to gain life experience and first hand, understand the “feeling” of making a living, owning a house, a business and overall, the american dream. Now, at 27 years of age, I am contemplating to go back to medical school and finish what I started 2 years ago. I think that some of you guys that have started on this journey too young and without much life references, it becomes difficult when the “what if questions” starts to creep in. I am fortunate to have satisfied my what if questions. On the flip side, day to day living and working can also be mind numbing. I mean going to your place of business day in and day out gets freakin’ old too. So yeah, you say, but “you have the time” to do whatever. Listen, being an entrepreneur has its own set of challenges and just like anything…it can be gone as fast as when you started. Also, leaving you with debt, bad credit and out to go looking for a job. To those of you that talk about doing what you love…what does that mean? If you are talking about the feel good tickly feelings…well that’s fleeting from one moment to another. One should first begin with the END in mind (the full picture) decide if one is willing to pay for that price…coz if I’ve learned anything in the “real” world, is that the best things in life are usually those that require the highest price and slow growth. Focus on that end picture…everything gets old….even doing nothing gets old…the grass is never greener on the other side.
August 23, 2009 at 7:58 pm |
I agree with Dr. Jason-I hear you guys talking. I remember I was committed to a life in the clergy when I was about 18 or 19 and then the inevitable “what, ifs” start.
I dropped my clerical training and went to the dark side, partying, doing poorly in school, and so on. I always wanted to be a doc but always did poorly in math. I was decent, even good in science but math was a bomb because of poor instruction I received in a really backwards town. And I was not interested in math either.
I liked what little chemistry and biology in took in high school but sure wish I had done more.
Anyway, the upshot is is that I am now almost 38, and contemplating trying to knock out the prereqs and hit med school in the next three or for years. I’ll go to the Carribean, Greanada, anywhere I have to.
The whole point of this post is I want you youngsters to know that what Doc Jason said was right, that the grass is never greener and if you make sudden decisions and just drop out you might end up regrets all the same.
All of you younger people that wrote these blogs have your whole lives to explore other interests after you get out of med school. I know it seems like forever but when you look back it will seem like a blink.
Hang in there!
June 14, 2009 at 4:22 am |
I want to quit right now. I just took my practice board exam and failed it. F***! I don’t know what to do. A week until my real USMLE and I failed the practice one. I can’t even calm down enough to study. I went for a run, took a shower, and felt better… now 2 hours into studying I am shaking again. I have hated medical school for 2 years but kept with it for a number of reasons… if I quit how the HELL are my husband and I going to survive financially??? We don’t have the kind of money these loan repayments are going to cost us, not even close. We’re counting on me GRADUATING to pay off the massive amount of debt I’ve been building up. I have always thought I’d love being a doctor but since I’ve been in medical school I’ve felt a drastic change of my mind. I feel like I’d be happier as a teacher or something, someone with a life outside of work who can have a family and take time to spend with her husband… I know if I get through this exam and pass it I’ll probably keep going but I wish I had the MONEY to quit. If I won the lottery tomorrow I’d quit right there and then. No regrets. I’d go back to school and become a teacher.
June 16, 2009 at 12:37 pm |
I wish i could find out if i really like Medicine. I’m sure it will break my parents’ hearts if I quit right now. They have saved and worked hard to send me to Medical school and now here I am, doubtful. What should I do? I feel like I dont really belong here. I’m not happy.
June 19, 2009 at 2:24 pm |
Melissa,
I’m in the same boat. I’ve been studying for 12 hours a day for the last 7 weeks and I barely passed NBME 6 (193). My test is this coming Tuesday and a large part of me has given up on the inside and am preparing for the blow of failing this test. Same financial situation, it would crush me and my spouse (200K minimum). I thought I had done the leg work too…explored the career…didn’t do it for money, prestige, etc. I just thought there was something special about using your knowlegde to really help people in need. The truth is…medicine just uses that as a slick marketing device. At the heart of it, it’s a business with a really bad training program. I miss my wife, I miss my old life (even if it was sitting in a cubical). At least I could find things that made me happy back then. The best I can hope for is to get through it, pay off the debt as fast as possible and run like hell. So, you’re not alone.
June 25, 2009 at 12:31 pm |
Hi everyone,
Setting the scene: I am halfway through my second year of medical school in New Zealand. I am an undergraduate student which means that last year (aka “first year”) was actually a competitive year for entrance. Therefore this is my first year of experiencing the actual medical program. The entire degree takes 6 years.
The most torturous decision of my life: I never felt that workload would be an issue for me since career/study has always been my paradigm…until I started to question my commitment. I had a hectic first semester with several personal problems, and really got the year off on the wrong foot, almost instantly getting behind in work. A few months into the course I started glancing in the rearview mirror and having severe cases of “what ifs”, then these feelings brewed into panic and finally I was forced to recognise that I was genuinely considering leaving medical school. It is commitment that is the issue for me. When I left school I wanted to be a journalist. I had always wanted to take arts papers at university. But when it came time to commit to that, I found the idea of living without science absurd. To spend life studying the sometimes bizarre and illogical actions of humanity and never have a second thought for the basic facts underlying life was impossible. I knew that I could not spend my time in a lab working alone, but I could do medicine. It made perfect sense…a job where I could study science theory but apply it very practically to helping and working with people, and on top of that I could work anywhere in the world and would earn good money. It ticks every box. So I enrolled for the competitive first year with the view that I would soon find out if immersion in science was not my thing, and I could swap back to arts if a) i did not like it b) i did not get in. Turned out I loved learning about medicine. I had never studied biology before and I thought cells were just amazing, every fact was opening a new world, I couldnt believe I had never looked at my body that way before. Consequently when I got into medicine I decided to go for it and not look back, despite the foreboding feeling of huge committment when I signed the enrollment forms. I WISH I had paid more attention to that. This year, probably because I have been away from arts for so long, I am really starting to miss the creativty and conceptual thinking. I am torn between arts and science (in school my best subjects were english and physics)but I wont settle for anything other than medicine or law and a BA in international relations. Sometimes studying medicine can seem like so much work, whereas I KNOW that I would love studying BA papers and although I recognice law is difficult I believe it is so in a different way to medicine.So why dont I just jump? Because with medicine I love the idea of the career, and there is no way you can know what the career is like until you’re there, and once you jump (with my medical school anyway), you cant climb back in, its gone. I am 19 years old and IF i jumped now, by the end of the year I would have a years worth of points towards an arts degree (because of cross-crediting) which means I would only have lost one year. But for that to work I would have to make this life-changing decision in the next 2 weeks. That seems impossible. Is anyone else here torn between 2 completely different careers? Has anyone quit medicine to do something they had a feeling about? How did it turn out?
June 26, 2009 at 2:44 am |
Hi Chloe,
I’m sort of in a similar dilemma as you but I’m in 4th year, graduating next December, so I’m not going to quit whatsoever. I kind of understand because we are young and have lots of creative energy in us, for me, i’d love to travel the world and experience different culture, get into photography, art and fashion course. I’d love to do it all, i just love art and fashion. Medicine is the complete opposite and you have to shut down every aspect of non-medical interests (your interest in on the PATIENT). I really hit rock bottom in 3rd year, i seeked help from counsellor, talked to the Dean, talked to my mom (who wouldnt let me leave). And I am still here, in the course, not doing so great as before, but hanging in there. Anyway, what I want to say is to find balance in life, i have a part time job that i really love so it’s my little “getaway”. If you love art, find a hobby that involves the area that you love e.g. painting, writing, dancing etc. If you love to travel, try to save up some money and take a trip during holiday. It’s great that you love certain area of medicine and find it fascinating (microbiology) so I think you can really do this. It’s good to have this kind of personality because it means you have passion, but try to get things in perspective because feelings always change and getting bored with things quickly can backfire you later. However, if you quit now and pursue something else I personally think it will be fine but if that thing turned out not to be so great, you are going to have the “whatifs” again.
June 26, 2009 at 2:52 am |
Reading your comment again, I think you just need to let out your creative energy – I’m sure you can spare a few hours everyday or week.
June 30, 2009 at 7:26 pm |
Chloe,
I’m sorry you’re struggling! I’m just finishing up a very difficult first year of med school and am having many doubts, but I am 32! 19 is very young and I hope you don’t feel like it’s too late to contemplate a change. You have your whole life ahead of you, and I emphasize YOUR life.
Australia makes a good point that maybe you could try balancing out your schedule and see how that goes before making any major decision. Sometimes a small tweak can make all the difference.
Good luck.
July 23, 2009 at 11:42 pm |
Hi, i’m a third year and i’m on my medicine rotation. It’s my first rotation and i’m already freaking out. All my classmates are so intense/competitive and know just about the answer to every question that the attending/resident asks them. Meanwhile, I find myself forgetting things, really basic things, and i just took the boards like 1.5 months ago. Most days, i just feel incredibly stupid and i question whether or not i can do this. Does anybody else feel the same way?
July 31, 2009 at 5:31 am |
if your heart really isn’t in to it you should just leave. it doesnt get easier especially when you are in the clinics and charting on an average 60 patients a day, and if its really bad as much as 130 patients. the first two years of medical school is the easiest part. all you have to do is buckle up and study. so quit while you’re ahead
August 29, 2009 at 2:54 am |
Charting on 60 or 130 patients a day ? What universe are you in? Its more like 30 max in clinics and
somedays I only have 10-15 patients. I am done with med school, done with internship, done with residency, done with fellowship and have been working as a primary care doc for 3 years. Nowhere have I ever seen 60-130 patients a day, nor do I know anyone who has. Its all good. You’ll get through it.
August 5, 2009 at 3:19 am |
im about to start medical school soon.and i am nervous anxious and terrified..it seems like b4 i got that acceptance letter i was in the matrix and i thought that once that letter would be the key to my happiness..but once i got that letter it was like taking the blue pill(or red i dont remember)..i realize that while i used to want to be a doctor to help the underprivelaged that is no longer the case now..it was more about the challenge and achievment of getting in..i realize i dont want to deal with patients..i may do pathology but i think if i do it would be for the wrong reasons..i shouldve just applied to pharamacy school..as a pharmacist i would have a job in the sciences that pays well a lot sooner than medical school..if it was up to me id quit and apply to pharm school but im still financially dependent on my parents and i would dissapoint them to no ends if i declined acceptance after i worked so hard to get in..dam..FML
August 5, 2009 at 8:09 am |
Melissa and Jason,
I am in the same boat. I had to take a LOA due to anxiety/dep after a few weeks of my first rotation in 3rd year. I’m glad I did it! They actually found my thyroid is acting up… They’re thinking Grave’s. Although it may explain the anxiety, I am still terrifed of going back after this LOA is over. I thought getting a physiologic explanation would make it all better. However, now everyone expects me to get Tx and go on to the next rotation. Ugh!
I am about 70k in the hole, but can you put a price on sanity and time with your spouse? I want children and I want to attend family events, but I also don’t want to be a financial burden on my husband. I can tell he really wants me to go back, but I rather go teach! I think I may go back and ask for a year LOA and give teaching a shot. I’ve got a taste of life out school and I don’t want to ever feel trapped gain. It takes more courage to leave med school than to suck it up… But I think it’ll be worth it!! I will try to post again once I’ve made my decision. Good luck to all!!
August 30, 2009 at 7:12 pm |
Laura, please email me at rebel2995@yahoo.com. I have a feeling we’re dealing with similar things. Hope to hear from you soon!
August 8, 2009 at 3:18 am |
So I spent years working to get into med school. finally got in left my 6 figure salary and started this week. I have been anxious and doubting why on earth I did this. what was it really about? the challenge of getting in? pleasing parents? et cetera.
don’t know how long I should try and tough this out. the longer I stay the more money I lose. but on the other hand if I walk now – what kind of regret will i have to live with. friends and family keep saying its only first week, give it some time. Not sure. I’m 30 was living a very comfortable life and walked away for 7 hours of lecture and studying I don’t feel like doing.
Any Advice??
August 9, 2009 at 12:33 am |
I’m a little different from most of you here because I just started dental school a few weeks ago. I’m not sure if this is the right career for me because I know that my heart simply isn’t in it. I KNOW I’m completely capable of the work, but I know myself well enough to know that my main interest in the job is having the “Dr.” title in front of my name, and getting the feeling of prestige. My true passion in life in wind conducting/music education but I’m scared to drop out and pursue it, mainly for reasons of not making as much money, and for the sheer terror of turning my back on the career people “expect” me to have. Any advice?
November 3, 2009 at 4:19 pm |
The Dr title and the prestige are not enough to get you through when times get tough. I am studying a dental hygiene and therapy course because that’s what I really want to do at the end, and I still lose motivation every single day, and had to repeat the 2nd year due to burnout. Life is too short to spend most of your day doing something you don’t enjoy. There is more prestige in doing something you love and excelling in it because you love it, than the prestige of an empty title.
August 20, 2009 at 8:19 am |
This is one of the most brilliant blogs I have read. I am an M4 student in the midwest USA and I am completely and utterly burnt out. I never thought this would happen and it caught me completely by surprise! I had to take time off and went on anti anxiety meds like Xanax and Klonopin which made my mood disorder worse… The benzodiazapine withdrawal syndrome is absolute hell. FYI… Never take or prescribe benzos until a last resort. But for me, I am nearly done, but no motivation to study for Step 2CK. NONE… I sit there for six hours staring at the first page of the First Aid for Step 2CK book. Literally. I am completely brain fried. I had a nervous breakdown too. My life is pure hell now. I respect anyone who goes through med school, but the big problem is that a person never really knows what their minds/emotions are going to do to them. For me, it came out of nowhere, I had to take a second LOA from school, and cannot study for Step 2CK after days/weeks/months. Complete crash and burnout. So unlucky… I never felt as though God Hated me, and it sounds silly, but I felt He turned His back on me. And I have no follow up plans! You sort of get stuck as many of the other writers noted with debt, expectations, family, time, lost effort, etc. I actually seriously truly applied at Target as a security guard this past week as a backup plan for paying rent and food. But guess what, I didn’t get the job… overqualified… Sigh. The most lucky and blessed by God are the ones who are told by Providence that they should quit medicine in the first week of their M1 year…
August 20, 2009 at 3:28 pm |
I just got my step 1 results and I got a 180… I can’t believe it, 5 little points…. Sigh. I had written on this blog earlier and got wonderful feedback from people, so thought I would try again.
I am feeling better about medical school in general. I am on my first rotation of 3rd year and I love it. I love the patients, I love figuring stuff out, the presentations, all of it. THIS is medical school for me. The first 2 years were hell and I wanted to quit the entire time. Now that I am learning and enjoying my life again, I get a failing board grade.
I wanted to ask if anyone has experience with the Falcon review courses? I have read a bit about it and it seems promising, but having to take off yet another rotation to take it is kind of a bummer. I am thinking about doing 4th year part time so I have more time to organize myself for applying to residency and taking step 2 and everything. Thoughts, suggestions? Anyone with board review class recommendations would be very helpful too…
August 29, 2009 at 3:02 am |
Review courses are excellent. They help you prepare in the right way. And yes, there is a right way to prepare for these tests. After never failing a test in my life, including Steps 1,2,3 of USMLE, I actually flunked my boards with horrible scores, took a review course and retook the test the next year and passed with great scores. Not much changed in my knowledge bank except for what and how I studied. Passing the test did not make me a better doctor. You are not stupid. You can do it. Check with your academic office for locally offered review courses.
September 15, 2009 at 10:45 am |
i feel the same way everyday! specially now because I failed in my pharmacology and nueroanatomy examinations. I feel like crap of a crap! I am a second year med student. I already had a leave of absence last year and then I just decided to go back in med school this year! and I guess I made a terrible decision of going back. I am sooo depressed because I did everything to study and yet, I still failed. I thought its not really meant for me. I am trying to hang on but it seems that I am being dragged further.. spooooff… anyway, I am just waiting for the year to end and if I passed all the exams, well and good then its 3rd year. but if not, i guess I have to look for my other options. you see, if you really wanted to be a physician, you will find ways to pass it(even if it will cost your life), but if you have realized that it was a mistake going in med school, then simply quit! BUT and if your still unsure (like me), just survive each day until you know what you really want! or assess your self NOW if you really wanted a crappy med student life, BUT think really hard coz after a loooonnnggg life in med school, maybe it will pay off when you graduate and become a physician. right? yeah, its really hard, but we don’t have options if we really wanted to be a crap doctor… or else, quit asap before you’ll regret it again everyday and wasting another year of your life doubting why your still there wasting your time being depressed, deprived of sleep, lost of connections and having no life except to study!
September 23, 2009 at 5:36 am |
I am so glad for this discussion board. I feel normal, like I’m not the only one who questions why to stick it out and that is struggling in Med. I’m in 3rd year and while I love the clinical aspect, I’m not sure I want to spend the rest of my life studying for licensing exam after exam . . . etc. Sure I have friends that are attendings and making a fortune, but not sure that the price to pay is worth it at times? I’ve seen them struggle too, at work, at home and still studying. I’m going to stick it out, or so I think, but I really don’t feel like it most days. I have a degree in another area and had a great career and came back as a mature student. I’m still not sure I made the right decision. If I could magically erase my debt six-figure school debt and go back to being a teacher, I would do it. I hope it gets better, but I’m not so certain. I envy those that are in touch with themselves enough to be true to themselves and have the guts to quit and move on; I just don’t think I’m one of those people, though I wish I were.
September 28, 2009 at 2:22 pm |
I can totally relate, I’m a month into the first year of a 4 year accelerated course and I’m starting to wonder why it is of benefit to me to put myself through this. In PBL group work I feel like I am the most stupid person alive whilst others showboat because they did a first degree in physiotherapy and I did zoology. Then we get short answer tests all the time which are exchanged between students for marking which is so embrassing if you don’t have a good answer. I’m just tired of the humiliation and fear what it will be like in a few years (not that I think I will even get there). I’m rather just enjoy my life, many others on the course seem to have a ‘medicine is my life’ tattoo on their head and I just don’t.
October 29, 2009 at 11:55 am |
why do we have so much doubts….
October 31, 2009 at 8:19 pm |
I m 33 and started med school as i was 27. At that time,i was emerging from a very rough time and was on antidepressant medication. Being boosted up by the meds i decided to give a try to med school in Germany. I m French so i got to really improve my German to get there. 2 successful years later i got off my antidepressants, and it was as the whole world collapsed…i thought passing the first 2 years would have been like a cure for me..bad mistake!
So now after 3 more years of struggle, i had to quit definitely med school, i felt like crap, sick, no motivation, lost in withdrawal symptoms (i took the horrific drug Paxil, tried to take it again but completely pooped out). You can imagine my despair, and it s crazy how guilty i feel for all this, although i shouldn t really!
Now i m back to France trying to reconstruct my life, i have the project to become a professional translator ..but am still struggling with mental health issues.
So, my advice would be : be careful with your health, and be sure that you have a genuine motivation for medicine and know what awaits you + be careful with psych meds!
October 31, 2009 at 8:22 pm |
i d be grateful for any input
November 2, 2009 at 11:35 pm |
I was an engineer in the grueling semiconductor manufacturing industry, and I quit to pursue medical school. I had those same feelings that you people wrote about when I was pursuing my chemical engineering degree and working as an engineer in the semiconductor industry. I think no matter what occupation you decide to choose, you will encounter hurdles and problems. The important thing is that you have to do something that you feel is worth your time. I would certainly encourage people to change their career path if they really give med school a try and didn’t like it.
November 3, 2009 at 2:44 pm |
It’s almost a year since I’ve written a comment here saying things about quitting, on how my 1styr is full of drama and persistent episodes of asking myself if I wholeheartedly want to be a doctor. I thought it over and decided not to quit, now I’m halfway through 2ndyr and I ask to myself if I will be a “good” doctor. Now compared to 1styr I’m struggling academically, I’m tired and I terribly miss the people I love.